Johnny's Breakfasts
his handsome chap is Johnny Mono, a long-suffering friend of the Ankes, who for the past umpteen years has been invited over for Christmas, then unceremoniously dumped in the kitchen to cook. That's the way we treat our guests round here. It's just as well there's nothing Johnny likes better than farting around a kitchen with a bottle of lager and September Gurls blaring out of the iPod. Or if there is, he's too polite to say. Anyway, I don't think he really gets much pleasure out of cooking Christmas dinner because Mr Anke is a stickler for boringly trad turkey and trimmings. But he does get to try out some of his favourite breakfast recipes on us, which always go down a treat.
Huevos Rancheros
2010 was Mr Anke's most miserable Christmas ever. He was bedridden with a nasty dose of flu - proper flu, mind, none of that namby-pamby man-flu. His mood was probably not helped by Johnny and I; we'd blithely "just pop out" to get him some Lucozade, and weave back hours later, having stopped by in the Opera House for a sharpener or two. Anyway, the only thing Mr Anke could manage to get down and keep down was Johnny's Huevos Rancheros. Purists may want to stick a scotch bonnet and numerous herbs in this, but Johnny prefers a simple shake from the tabasco bottle which has just the right amount of gentle heat to enliven the taste buds without bludgeoning them to death.
1 onion, diced
1 clove garlic, crushed (this might be my addition, but I stick garlic in everything)
1 tin chopped tomatoes
Pinch sugar
Tabasco
Seasoning
Tortillas
Avocados
Eggs
Fry the onion and garlic in some oil, then add the tin of chopped with a pinch of sugar (Johnny always adds sugar to his tomatoes and who am I to contradict). Bubble down to a nice, syrupy consistency. Add enough tabasco and seasoning as you see fit. Spread over a warm tortilla and add a couple of fried eggs on top. Serve with sliced avocado on the side to cut through the heat.
Rarebit
In 2011, hot cheese was what we needed after a night drinking dirty Proseccos chez Bartholomew. As with Johnny's casual style of cooking, the amounts are vague. But 200ml of milk and 100ml of beer will give you enough for two portions and masses of leftovers, which are good smothered on veg, or pasta, or white fish served with a tomato and onion salad on the side.
You will need 1 part beer to 2 parts milk; heat the milk, and mix the liquids together. Make your roux by melting some butter, adding flour and then slowly mixing in the liquids. Add grated cheese, a spoonful or two of wholegrain mustard and a dollop of Worcester sauce. You should have a nice roux-y consistency; not too runny or it'll fall off the bread; not too thick or it'll be too pasty. Toast and butter some bread, spread the roux thickly over the top - as far to the edge as you can - and grill until bubbling and browning. The addition of a fried egg is highly recommended but not entirely necessary.
Applications to have Johnny as your Christmas 2012 houseguest are accepted, but it'll cost you.
Tweet