Mrs Anke

I'm not sure know why - perhaps I listened to too much Cure in the 80s - but for some reason I really enjoy having a good old nose around a cemetery.

I was up at the Tunbridge Wells one recently with Mr Anke and Cath, and we got very excited when we came across what surely must be the most fabulous name ever - Septimus Parsonage. Septimus Parsonage! I developed such a strong Septimus Parsonage fixation, that I had to stop myself from rushing out and buying a kitten just so I could call it Septimus Parsonage.

It turns out that Septimus Parsonage is more than some local dude who just happened to have an extremely cool name. If you've ever seen the list of mayors in the Town Hall's Main Council Chamber, the name will be familiar to you - it appears no less than five times on the list. It turns out that Our Septimus was a very notable Tunbridge Wellian indeed.

Septimus Parsonage was originally from Lancashire and had enjoyed a successful career in wine shipping before coming to Tunbridge Wells - to Boyne Towers, Boyne Park to be exact. He immersed himself in local matters, and in 1921, at the age of 63, he became our 21st Mayor.

Our Septimus with some dude called Edward at the Tunbridge Wells and Southern Counties' Agricultural Society show in 1928. Photo from Tunbridge Wells: A Second Selection by MLJ Rowlands and IC Beavis.

On being elected, The Courier said "he has travelled extensively, and has consequently a wide knowledge of men and matters". He was very much the philanthropist, doing a lot of good work and preferring to do it anonymously "...last Christmas, through his thoughtfulness and generosity, it was a proud boast of Tunbridge Wells that not a single family lacked the joy of special Chrismas fare". Other highlights included setting up soup kitchens, founding the Municipal Public Library, and opening Calverley Grounds. He was a prominent figure in such a long list local organisations that I felt quite knackered reading it. Just a few were: the Cricket Week Association, East Sussex and Tunbridge Wells Musical Festival, Tunbridge Wells Amateur Operatic and Dramatic Society, Tunbridge Wells Horticultural Society, Tunbridge Wells Rangers Football Club, and (phew!) the Monson Road Swimming Club.

He died on holiday in Bexhill at the age of 71, and the wall of the Main Council Chamber has never seen his like again. Many thanks to Jim at the Town Hall for his help, and the Museum Reference Library for helping me get over my fecklessness with the phish.

Sadly I didn't get a kitten, but to console myself I called our pottery owl Septimus Parsonage.

The Corn Exchange has received a welcome shot in the arm from Rosemary Shrager, who has recently opened a cookery school there, and surely, surely Royal Tunbridge Wells in its entirety will be clamouring for the chance to bone a quail, or tweeze a sea bass with the legend that is The Shrager. Me and Mr Anke were invited along yesterday for a taste of The Shrager Experience.

First up was a bread making demonstration. Rosemary's a stern taskmaster, but in a twinkly, pantomime way, and her rapport with John the executive chef kept us entertained.

Then in true Generation Game style, we went to our stations to have a go. It looked like an absolute doddle when Rosemary was showing us, but Anna from The Courier and I were united in our hopelessness. Mercifully The Lovely John was on hand to gently guide us through the process...

…and he certainly had his work cut out for him…

So now I know where I've been going wrong with my previous breadmaking attempts. I was missing out a very necessary part of the process - you need to give it a bloody good slap.

And so to our second demonstration of the day - filleting a sea bass. Again, in the assured hands of The Shrager, an absolute doddle.

Mr Anke did a really good job of hiding behind his camera for most of the day and avoiding doing any proper work, but was eventually cajoled into filleting a fish. And rather annoyingly, he did a much better job of it than I did.

And so to the best part of the day - sitting down and watching Rosemary's boys prepare our lunch. For starters we had spicy couscous, clams and our fish fillets - and did you know, if you fry fish really, really slowly, you get a much better, crispier finish? Who knew? Our main was a porky delight featuring that finest of all piggy parts - pigs' cheeks. Simple ingredients, simply made, and it was heavenly.

Johnny, John, Rosemary, and Jonathan.

I have to say, I'm rather taken by The Shrager. Her enthusiasm is boundless - as well as the cookery school, she's brimming with all sorts of fantastic plans for the place - there'll be a Deli and a Cafe opening soon, and once the kitchen's completely done, there'll be a chef's table where you'll be able to sit and watch the staff in action. And from now you can book her to cater for your plethora of corporate events. But what I admire the most is her investment in something I don't think there's nearly enough of - she's planning an apprenticeship scheme.

Rosemary and her Johns are enjoying discovering all our great Kentish produce, so if you're down the Pantiles Food Festival this weekend, don't be surprised if you see them having a mooch around the food stalls after her demonstration.

If you haven't had your fill of Rosemary, nip across to our gallery for more.